As a parent it is in our nature to worry about our children. I have definitely let worry get the best of me at times throughout Trevor’s life, but this is the first time I’ve truly let worry take over when thinking about our daughter. Up until yesterday things were going great with this pregnancy. Yes I had morning sickness, exhaustion, round ligament pain, etc. but the most important part of pregnancy – the health and well being of the baby – was never called into question. Until yesterday. I went in for my 28 week OB appointment and discovered that baby girl is measuring small. Now logically I know there are so many reasons that this could happen and baby is completely okay. I could be carrying low or in an odd way, I’m very petite so I don’t have a ton of extra padding, the baby takes after me and is just plain small. The list goes on. But whether it be pregnancy hormones, all of the stuff we’ve had to deal with with Trevor, or just typical mommy worries, my mind has jumped straight to that scary place of “something is wrong”.
My doctor ordered an ultrasound so that we can get true measurements of the baby and the amniotic fluid levels. She reassured me that it’s simply a precaution and since baby is active she is most likely just fine. But until I get that confirmation at the ultrasound I have a feeling it’s going to be hard for me to focus on anything but the worst-case-scenario. It makes me kick myself for saying this week (which is Trevor’s last one in EI) how much I’ll miss his therapists and teachers. Like the universe somehow heard me and said, well if you miss them we can give you a whole new reason to have to see them again. Ugh. I really need to kick this worry monster to the curb and just breathe. Hopefully by writing all of these emotions out here in the blog I can work through my fears and let go of my worries.
As the wise Dr. Seuss said: